Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
