new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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