i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
