I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
