The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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