if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
