oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
