Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
