1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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