2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
