I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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