So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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