She said her name was "party"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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