i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We are all done wearing pants today
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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