a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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