He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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