It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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