I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
