So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
