his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
