I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
