why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
