Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
