You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
