I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
