God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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