Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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