let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just had sex bonerless
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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