Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
