Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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