Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
