i just had sex bonerless
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
