dude i'm inner monologue high
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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