oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
