does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
