I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
