instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
