i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
