well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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