Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?