trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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