some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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