Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
