Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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