I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
