I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
