I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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