I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
