I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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