Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
