This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize