He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
