I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
