Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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