I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
