they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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