puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
