Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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