i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
