Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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