how can u be prego again
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
