The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
