Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
