Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
