Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
