Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
